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View a 20 minute clip of a talk by a famous researcher in sexuality, Dr. Helen Fisher. She is referenced in your book on the topic of the chemistry of being in love. The talk in this clip is from a series that appears on YOUTUBE called “TED TALKS”.
Here’s the link to what you need to watch:
After watching, respond to these questions in ONE POSTING about 6-7 sentences-long in total:
a) What did you learn from the video that you thought was interesting and/or surprising
(b) what have you experienced yourself or observed in other people that relates in some way to what you saw in the video?
Then, in 2 other SEPARATE POSTING (each about 3-4 sentences long) respond to what 2 other students in class have said. (You can respond to more than two students but that’s optional). In responding to students in class you could, for example, state why you agree or disagree with what they have posted; ask them a question about what they said; or state how you have experienced or observed something similar. Make some substantial comment — do not just say I “agree” or “disagree” that that was a “good comment!
When I first began to ‘date’ back in high school, I remember my friends and I would talk about cheating, what we would do if we ever got cheated on, and how it was probably one of the worst things that could ever happen to you. However, as you mature and have more experiences, things become less black and white. Why do people cheat? How is it that some couples decide to get through it and choose forgiveness, and others separate the second it all becomes uncovered? Everyone has their own moral code and is willing to condone certain behaviors- love isn’t a ‘one size fits all’ kind of deal. Listening to Helen talk about the three drives/motives (sex, love, attachment), and especially when she offered her opinion that humans weren’t designed to be “happy” when it came to relationships, it made a lot of sense. It might be a little painful to think about the person you end up spending your life with lusting after, or feeling in love with someone else, but it could be you who finds yourself in a position of having a wandering eye or heart. It doesn’t even necessarily mean you care about your partner any less (this is why most unfaithful people will never leave their spouse) but this is part of what makes human beings and their relationships so complicated.
I found it really interesting in the video that our brain has three brain systems when it comes towards our feelings for another person: sex drive, romantic love, and attachment. Also, how they go hand to hand with each other. Sex drive is to get out there and look for a whole range of different partners. Romantic love is the focus on one particular person that you want to be with. Attachment is the security of your relationship and not wanting to lose that person; possibly thinking to spend the rest of your life with them. Another explanation I found interesting was when Helen stated that we can love more than one person at a time. We can lay down at night with our significant other and actually be thinking about somebody else and how we love them. It is like our feelings shift. My own life experience started a year ago when I was single for a while and decided I wanted to finally be with someone; possibly share a love with them. Already I was going through my sex drive, but now even more because I am searching for that right one. I finally found someone who was meant for me and now I am in the romantic love stage. My focus and energy all goes towards her because I want to make it work and want to see this relationship succeed. I am not at the attachment stage, however I definitely can see me getting to that stage if this keeps going the way it does. As of right now, I do love my girl friend and everyday try to make our relationship better than it already is.
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